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I'm Losing My Mind

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Thoughts... Jul. 28th, 2013 @ 12:56 am
So, it came to my attention (somewhat recently) that I'm not necessarily the easiest person to understand.

I don't know if it's my phrasing (admittedly archaic) or my tendency to stumble over my words when I speak aloud, but there we are.

(And yes, there's a reason I'm posting here and not on Facebook.  Must you ask these questions and distract me so, solitary reader?)

So... since forever, I've wanted to be a teacher/trainer/something along those lines.  I'd always figured, with my love of learning everything and my enjoyment in helping others learn, I'd be a good match.

However, when this was brought to my attention -- I'll admit, at first?  I wanted nothing more than to disprove it.  I was convinced there was a gross mistake and that it couldn't have been me............right?

I've been thinking about it since, though, and I'm recognizing that, sometimes, even I can't understand me.  If I can't understand me, why would I think someone else can?  Corollary: if I (as well as others) can't understand me, how I can manage the verbal lucidity to actually teach others?

So I've clearly been going about this all wrong.

However, when one door closes... I've got an opportunity to advance in a different direction at work; rather than a position that involves trying to explain things with words, I might be able to get what's effectively a "reporting" position, a position where I crunch numbers and file them into reports and make sure the reports are legible.

Numbers, unlike words, aren't syntax-and-grammar-specific.  Numbers can simply make sense without all that mess.  Numbers aren't like verbal logic, with its infinite "possibly right" answers -- it's clear-cut.  1+1=2 (in most variations of the equation; we'll ignore chaos theory and "large/small value of 1" logic).

It's not the position I'd wanted, but perhaps -- just perhaps -- it's the position I've needed.

So, solitary reader, wish me luck -- I'll have competition for the position, and I won't be the only one applying, but I think this is my opportunity to have a job -- nay, a career -- that actually works with my skills and without being hindered by my "peculiarities"...

A Love Letter (Of Sorts) Jun. 12th, 2013 @ 12:22 am
Dear Sony::
Where did we go wrong?
I remember it like it was yesterday -- the summer of 1998, the first time I lovingly gazed upon the Playstation (the original, of course).  The feel of your controller, the charming (if occasionally laughable) graphics, but best of all, you were my first console that was all mine.
In 2000 -- and then in 2001 -- I lost you and found you once more.  It was like we were meant to be -- we were never truly inseparable.  You were always there for me, no matter what was wrong in my life, and because of you, life was relatively good.

In 2003, I moved on to the PS2.  Times were still good, of course, and for a while, no matter what else happened in life, at least I had you.

There were rocky times in there, of course -- as with the Playstation, I'd lost and found you over and over.  To this day, however, I still have a PS2.

But then Microsoft came along -- the Great Console War of 2005.  I resisted for the longest time, but in 2007, I fell in with a bad crowd and was seduced by the XBox 360.  Don't get me wrong -- I had a lot of fun with him -- but I think, deep down, I knew it just wasn't the same.

Now, here we are, the year 2013.  The Second Console War is on, and I realize now that I've been such a fool.

Sony, I know you are still probably angry at me... but here, take my money, and let's make it right.

I'm coming home tonight -- Microsoft can keep their XBone, I'll take a PS4.



Enough, Evil Brain! Enough! Apr. 17th, 2013 @ 12:01 am

So, if it weren't for the fact that a lot of my mental issues are professionally diagnosed, I'd be convinced I have mental hypochondria... yeah, wrap your brain around THAT irony for a bit.

When I was young, I was diagnosed ADHD.  (They wanted me to take ritalin -- instead, I use caffeine.  No zombie here, thanks.)
As a teen, I was diagnosed with acute depression.  (This was upgraded to chronic depression about a year ago.)
When I was in my early 20s, I was diagnosed with GAD.  (No shock there, those who know me.)
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD.  (Yeah, I had no clue on that one.)

Now?  The internet decides that I have Asperger's.  (I think I'll wait until a shrink agrees before I eat that bait, thanks.)

Here's the link for the quiz results -- why not? it's not like I've never embedded quiz results to eljay before -- for those who might care.  (You know, all 1 of you that still read this.)


So yeah... apparently, all I need to win at Mental Disorder Bingo is OCD and Sociopathy.  >.>

Rant, Revisited Mar. 29th, 2013 @ 01:31 am
OK, so here goes the necessary preface::

I, myself, do not use marijuana, nor have I for a long time.  I doubt highly that this would change, regardless of any specific legal conditions surrounding it.  The following is my opinion, influenced in no way by anyone I may or may not know who does use marijuana (legally or illegally).

So, I had a bit of a minor epiphany a few moments ago -- while the argument hasn't changed, I just realized that I've significantly undervalued my own argument.  This is my existing core argument about marijuana (copy-pasted from a previous eljay rant)::

OK, so my rant. Some of you may have heard this before... but it's still true.

‎1) We spend a LOT of money fighting marijuana growth, sale, and usage. A LOT. Not just locally, but federally. You've got the search-and-seizure, the trials, and the jail/prison time... none of which is cheap on already-drained piggybanks.

2) Especially in border states like AZ, a lot of the marijuana comes across the border, courtesy of criminal groups... groups that would lose a LOT of power and funding if the stuff was legal here. Sure, they might find another means of funding, or they might try to undercut the legal market, but it'll make them lighter on the ground... can't saturate an already-saturated market, and if every Circle K and 7-11 sells ready-rolled joints and dimebags, it's heavily saturated. (Even if it stays medicinal, you'll have market saturation as cannabis clubs pop up to satisfy the demand.)

3) If it becomes legal, it becomes taxable. Stick an age restriction on it, and voila, you have a healthier alternative to tobacco or alcohol, with a ready market. Sure, some of that market is underage, but that's why you have age restrictions. Sure, kids'll try to get around it, just like they do with tobacco and alcohol, but it won't matter, because the stings are already in place, and at worst, a slight increase to the police budgets will account for the difference, at a cheaper rate than the current system -- even before accounting for revenue.

4) It's LESS addictive than tobacco and alcohol (both of which are legal), and FAR less addictive than other street drugs. It has no proven side effects, aside from possible damage to the lungs (surprise, surprise, the damage could be caused by cigarettes, which most marijuana smokers with lung diseases smoke as well), and its known effects are generally considered to be positive-to-neutral (lightheaded, dizzy, calmed, heartier appetite, detached sense of pain/discomfort).

So, let's review: Less money wasted fighting it, more income from taxes, less crime (in some situations), less people in jail/prison for solely marijuana-related charges (again, less taxpayer money being wasted), AND it's not as bad for you as already-legal age-protected merchandise?

So... that's pretty much my core argument this entire time.

Well, tonight, I realized that I've been missing an important key to the entire puzzle:: by regulating marijuana, you're turning what's currently a mass of cobbled-together collectives (ie. the dispensaries and their farms) and illegal traffickers (street growers/vendors) into an industry.  We would end up starting a new industry, one with large income potential and a lot of demand... and what does any new industry need?


Yes!  So, suddenly, not only does the government have more money going into it, but now, we have additional jobs available -- jobs which could probably stand to be above the minimum-wage line, especially for more "specialty" positions like growers and for the transportation lines, even if the actual clerks are still minimum-wage -- and that means more money directly into the economy, both in the form of necessaries (food, lodging) and potentially as disposable income.


I can't believe I'd overlooked one of the most vital pieces of the puzzle for so long.  I'd be ashamed, but I think it's my tired brain denying me sleep that led me to this revelation.

2012 Election Guide Sep. 30th, 2012 @ 09:47 pm
As with years gone by, I've got my 2012 election guide (AZ edition, in this case) up and running.

You can check it out at http://www.mychyl.com/2012elections.htm .  Enjoy!
Current Mood: productiveproductive
Other entries
» The Rules of Relationships (Mychyl Edition)
OK, since people keep asking me about one or another of my rules, I'm officially making a post of my various rules, in order of importance.

Read more...Collapse )
» Dear Blamemongers:
For those few of you who were not previously aware, a senseless tragedy occurred today, here in Tucson, when a young man opened fire on Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and several others, placing Giffords in critical condition and killing multiple, including Federal Judge John Roll, a US Marshall, and a 9 year old girl.

Since this attack, the shooter Jared Loughner has been ascribed many (and often conflicting) motives, but since one of the people shot was a Congresswoman, naturally, people on both sides of the political line have been fighting with one another, trying to figure out where on the line he falls.

First of all, provided that the YouTube videos that are being blared out across the Internet are accurate, I would say he's undeniably crazy. Some of the words are conservative, some anarchist, a few liberal, and all of it melded into a virtually nonsensical polyglot of hysteria. I think the most apt clinical term would be "schizophrenia with acute paranoid tendencies", though not being a psychologist myself, my thoughts on this are as a layman, not as a professional.

Second, if everything shown about him is accurate, he listed several books amongst his favorites, including Mein Kampf (the quintessential fascist handbook, as written by Hitler) and the Communist Manifesto (Marx, anyone). The fact that those two could even be liked by the same person speaks volumes, since the two are so completely opposite as cause some serious concern. It's possible to dislike both, obviously; many people prefer a middle ground between absolute fascism and absolute communism, and in most functioning societies, such a "middle ground" can be found. But to like both would seem impossible for an individual with a healthy mind.

Third, just because the person who fired the gun attacked a well-known (and well-loved within her own party, if not universally) politician, among others, does not place him in the opposing party. (Yes, even I need to dampen my urges to blame conservatives and/or the Tea Party for this... his actions don't necessarily mean he belongs to the "other side".) If he truly is, as I posited above, suffering from paranoid schizophrenia, he may have reacted to any sort of stimuli as "they're out to get me" and "I must get them first", or similar. He might've viewed the death of Giffords (or another possible target there, who knows?) as the start of whatever "revolution" he sought... or to protect himself.

In other words, to nutshell, let's let all the FACTS fall where they may before we create such a poisoning and hostile environment as to make it impossible to ever find peace again. We, the entire human race, should consider this a saddening event, join together in wishing survival for Giffords and all others fighting for life, wish a positive (insert your afterlike beliefs here) on those who lost that fight, and hope that we can find out what happened and prevent it from EVER happening again.
» State of the Mychyl: 2010
As with last year, I'm linking to my State of the Mychyl Address, rather than posting directly.

Go here for it.
» INRE: Day of Birthing
Today, for better or worse, is my birthday. So, everywhere I go, and virtually everyone I talk to, spends time wishing me happiness for today... but I don't see life the way they do, clearly.

I accept that others view their birthdays as a celebration of life, and I will always wish them well on their days, but for me, I can't accept it as a celebration, given the eventual finish line is inching closer. For me, today isn't about celebrating life, it's about marking another nail in the coffin which will eventually envelop me. Today marks 30 nails in the coffin, 30 years since I crawled through the abdominal wall of That Which Must Not Be Named.

Given that, it's painful and almost ironic that people take such joy in wishing me well on my way to the grave. Is it any wonder I don't care to celebrate it?

This is doubly true for this specific day, because of the milestone. I have survived for 30 years... so? It's true that some don't, but in today's age of medicine and science, it's more common for people to live into their 80s and beyond. Surviving for 30 years isn't all that much of an accomplishment... but it does mean that I'm already at least 10 years into the hole, seeing as how I view myself as living on borrowed time and have for a long, LONG time.

So, for those who DON'T congratulate me on reaching 30 years of age, I thank you. You might not understand why, and you might disagree with my rationale, but at least you show me the kindness to respect my wishes and not flaunt my way of thinking.
» Worlds.com vs. NCSoft... Wait, What?
OK, so I'm a little behind the times. That happens.

Worlds.com, who apparently patented the idea of 3-dimensional computer interaction, sued NCSoft for infringement by having 3-dimensional interaction in MMO form.

There's a problem here, by my recollection. Leaving aside EVERY OTHER MMO which NCSoft runs, or has run, in its history, let's focus on one that I know for a fact: City of Heroes.

We know I love that game. I've loved that game since issue 6, which was roughly 1.5 years after its initial market release. Which puts its market release, for those not familiar, as April 29, 2004.

And yes, Worlds.com happily displays its patent on its website... a patent which was awarded on February 20, 2007. Almost 3 YEARS after City went live, and a few months before Cryptic (the original developer of City) washed their proverbial hands and moved on to greener pastures. (Sidenote: How's THAT decision work out for ya, with CO going F2P soon, hm?)

So, my confusion lies in the fact that a company can pick up a patent for existing technology, then turn around and sue -- and win settlements, or at least coerce closed-table settlements -- on people who'd been using it first? How, exactly, does that work? NCSoft has been in the game since the 90s, as my memory serves (based on Lineage, their first US market offering to my knowledge) -- and a company that comes along almost a decade after their first public game can demand compensation for a subsequent patent? I know "ex post facto" is generally applied in criminal law, but shouldn't it apply here too?
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